You Know Nothing - Eastside Bar & Grill, Portland OR - April 28, 2018


[Portland, OR] I discovered this place randomly last Friday afternoon when I needed a place to mentally switch from an annoying work day to chatting with BrightShardsOfGlass, and then to picking up BlackAndWhite at the airport. Although I spent more time on the phone in my car in the uncomfortably shady parking lot, I managed to learn a lot during my 30 minutes in the bar alone with the owner of the bar, Steve. Namely, they have a lot of live music, it’s mostly hard music, and they’re right down the road from where I live – why was I not informed of this immediately upon move-in? Tonight was a rough start. Sure, Steve happened to be next to the door man when I arrived & actually remembered me, made sure I was promptly situated with drink – I actually prefer to be more incognito but whatever, we are somewhat simpatico – he’s an entirely-straight-looking biker who is excellent & kind to people – I’m a road tripper who is endlessly fascinated by people. But he’s 20 years older than me so I immediately filtered him. My week was wearing on me. Technically, there was nothing wrong with it… except my smooth people were being difficult and my difficult people were being smooth – overlaid with a thick glaze of PMS. The crowd was real metal—90s metal—nary a hipster in sight. Lots of legs spread wide man style. Except a slightly-black guy on my left side in hipster glasses and a t-shirt with Kelly from Saved by the Bell on it who screamed FUCK right after I sat down at the bar and then kept apologizing, looking from his phone with some video on it to me like I was supposed to get it. In all, the people in the bar who weren’t long-haired and baggy-panted were a little nutty. I felt even more out of place than usual. But I can skate. Steve told me last week he really survives because of the gaming. I was shocked upon arrival in Oregon by the amount of machines in bars—I guess still naïve that Vegas is the only mecca—not so much—and, of course, the people partaking are the most desperate of the characters—so let’s participate in their degradation. Then Steve was chiding the poor bartender for putting her tips in the register – she remained gracious even after like four repeats from him. The band, though, they were just so ungood. Maybe it was the sound (the poor doorman was tasked with both duties) but I’m pretty sure the band was just kind of average. They were metal (first song “Captain Nomad”) but then the second song was more punk. Ultimately, I liked the songs by the alternate singer more—more punk-tinged and driven. They had some post-grunge songs too (typically not a good thing). They did cover Corrosion of Conformity, which I’m totally surprised I recognized, and even more surprised I’m really enjoying reliving them. They ended with AC/DC’s “Ride On.” Ultimately, the holistic experience of the first band reminded me of why I’m in no way a real nihilistic – the scene reminded me of all sorts of things I spent some time running real fast away from.

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